How To Survive Magaluf - the Real Girl's Guide

• Suncream. Seriously.
• Choose as good a hotel as you can - thanks to the boiling heat (which I personally cannot deal with), I found myself going indoors to seek shade and I wouldn't want to do that in a hovel.
• If a drunk guy on the beach offers you a weird-coloured Calipo, don't take it.
• Don't bother going out before midnight - use these hours for something useful, like napping.
• Having said that, avoid confrontations immediately after naps. They will become explosions.
• In light of this, stick to the golden rule - What Happens In Maga, Stays In Maga. *
• * This rule applies to embarrassing emotional outbursts and / or horrible, drink-fuelled and stress-related arguments. These will happen, but it's best to forgive and forget. The hilarious, 'she-got-with-a-minger' stories on the other hand, are gloriously exempt from this rule.
• Don't wear heels. Don't even bother packing them.
• STICK TOGETHER.
• Frequent ice-cream breaks help keep everything and everyone sweet.
• Avoid usual bodycon-town dresses - a) you'll boil, b) you'll boil, c) nobody wears them. Think vest tops and denim shorts.
• Likewise, take clothes you won't mind getting drink spilt on. Inevitable.
• If a guy says, 'I'm not trying to pull you', he's trying to pull you.
• Stock up on magazines / books - life poolside can be pretty, er, relaxing. Plus even though heat is available all over Magaluf, import prices are higher and issues are slower.
• Blister plasters. Even flip-flops can be lethal.
• Before a night out, make sure your PJs, make-up wipes and a bottle of water are all within easy reach - makes things so much easier on return (a friend of mine fell asleep in her suitcase while retrieving her pyjamas).
• Pedalos are fun, and wet. Your stuff will get soaked, so bear this in mind when taking a bag.
• If you're going as a group, stick like-with-like when allocating hotel rooms. Don't put OCD Monica with Little Miss Messy - even the best of friends clash over things like that.
• Accept that boys will always outnumber girls in Magaluf. You can take advantage of better drinks deals that way, as most places are eager to even out the numbers.
• Within reason, don't be afraid to kick a guy who won't take no for an answer - my friend didn't want to dance with you, OK?
• Set some money aside for post-night-out munchies, and say goodbye to your diet, because Magaluf knows how to do chips.
• Unless you're planning some serious travel days, leave the Spanish phrasebook at home.
• Don't be afraid of the strip - it provides some of the best nights out ever.
• Relax.